Saturday, August 06, 2005

The Second coming

It is not anyone’s fault. I have just always had thoughts of suicide. My whole life I have fantasized about how I would die. Would it be a gun shot wound to the head? Perhaps a spectacular car accident. Maybe a building would collapse onto me or I would get hit by a car while walking down the street. Who the fuck knows. Those who know me hate me for feeling this way. And for those who do, I am sorry. Hey Love, don't hate me. It is not you. It is just my illness. I still love you all but I just feel sometimes that maybe I would no longer be tormented if I could just slumber for eternity; to sleep until the second coming of Christ. Until then...


Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around

Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all

Always an emotion, but how can I explain
How can I explain

Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can't explain
The same with my pain

Caught up in emotion-Goes over my head
Goes over my head

Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead

The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged

And when I think about all the times that I've had
So few good-So many bad

I search for personality and I look for things I can not see
Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Thru my eyes that's all I see

If I'm gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I'm gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I'll say
How will I laugh tommorow
If I can't even smile today

Today today--when I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorow--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow--when I can't even smile today
Suicidal Tendencies - How will I Laugh Tomorow