Sleep

Fuck. I am so tired. I took two sleeping pills last night but still had a horrible time sleeping. I think tonight I will take two of the new pills that I have just bought. And maybe one of the old ones. Perhaps that way I can finally sleep. I just want to sleep and feel rested. I want to dream. I love my dreams. They are so comforting. I read an article in Scientific American: Mind that people never remember their dreams. That is not true. I have many memories of dreams that I have had. Maybe I don't remember every detail of my dreams but I do remember a hell of a lot of them. If fact, sometimes when I close my eyes, I see images of dreams that I have had throughout my life. They are usually about the same theme. So if I am remembering about my home where my parents live then I see a lot of images of places that I have never lived in reality but in my dreams I lived there. It is just so reassuring that I can escape into my dreams to a place that is both familiar and new.

The night is closing upon us; drawing nearer with every tick of the clock. I have many who love me here in this world. I don't understand why sometimes but for whatever reason they do they must understand that if I were ever to depart from this world then life must go on. That is just the way it must be. It is the natural part of life. I am not going to do anything to hurt myself; I just want you all to know.

Fool enough to almost be it

Cool enough to not quite see it

Doomed

Pick your pockets full of sorrow

And run away with me tomorrow

June

We'll try and ease the pain

But somehow we'll feel the same

Well, no one knows

Where our secrets go

I send a heart to all my dearies

When your life is so, so dreary

Dream

I'm rumored to the straight and narrow

While the harlots of my perils

Scream

And I fail

But when I can, I will

Try to understand

That when I can, I will

Mother weep the years I'm missing

All our time can't be given

Back

Shut my mouth and strike the demons

That cursed you and your reasons

Out of hand and out of season

Out of love and out of feeling

So bad

When I can, I will

Words defy the plan

When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it

And cool enough to not quite see it

And old enough to always feel this

Always old, I'll always feel this

No more promise no more sorrow

No longer will I follow

Can anybody hear meI just want to be me

When I can, I will

Try to understand

That when I can, I will

Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise