Thursday, August 25, 2005

If Thou Looketh...

If you seek you shall find. I have sought for so long that I just never thought it possible. But somehow, I just feel as if just maybe it is there, just out of my reach. Sometimes I let the blood flow, just to release my pain, anger, whatever it is that I feel. I have been branded with what I feel is the only way to live. To love others with a passion that you are willing to lay your own life down for them. I know, it is easier said than done, but what else can I strive for? Should I only live for myself? Or should I be like Christ who, as the Bible says, gave his life for all of us? If I could I would heal the sick. I would do what I could for those who deserve life. And, even for those who don't desereve it, with the hopes that something good will come of it. I am not a street corner preacher telling all that they are going to hell. I am just a person trying to live my life as best I know how, firmly believing what I believe and not being blinded by a preacher who says that I must give everything to be saved. I am saved by His good grace, even though I have not lived a pure life. C'est la vive eh? Don't let regrets hold you back. You are fine the way you are and you are not going to hell. At least if you have a little faith.

That being said, I still have a cloud of depression hovering over me. It will always follow me, trying as hard as it can to rain down feelings of worthlessness. Sometimes it overcomes me and I can't outrun it. But other times I can. I will just have to keep living my life and hope that I can keep up with it.

--Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room.